I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about gorilla costumes. Like how I'd love to work behind a counter somewhere, like at a complaint department, and just wear the pants of the gorilla costume. What on earth could possibly screw up my day? Some guy could say, "Your frick'n store ripped me off! I want my money back!" and I'll just be standing there, thinking to myself, "He can't tell, but I'm actually half-gorilla."
Imagine me with this odd little half-smile on my face, absently listening to these idiots and their meaningless threats. Because when you have something outrageously silly in the back of your mind, you can see things differently. There's no anger that would cloud your mind (and lead to the dark side). I understand that if this one person no longer comes to this store, there will be someone to replace him. And because I ostensibly work at the only Wal*Mart in the area, they have no choice but to continue shopping there. I see them come back in later, avoiding my gaze, utterly ashamed at themselves for not having the fortitude to back up their threat.
I don't care. I'm half-gorilla.
No, nothing could ever possibly bother me, so long as I continue to remember that if the whining person were to lean over the counter, they would see hairy legs leading to opposable toes. And I'd hand them a banana.
And when that one person comes along that is so whiny, so utterly annoying that I do lose touch with the silly-ness, all I have to do is raise my leg and rest it upon the counter, and watch them completely lose their mind. Their brain might actually explode.
I don't care. I'm half-gorilla.
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